No one wakes up and is inherently “good” with money. Learning how to manage your money effectively is a lifelong process. There is a common misconception that people who find themselves in difficult financial situations at some point may have made poor financial decisions, making their current situation 100 percent their fault. But that is not always the case.
This is particularly true as it relates to Black women. Much of our experience with money was already decided well before we got to experiment with it because of the lack of resources and financial education available to the generations of Black women before us. This makes our path to financial independence difficult before it begins.
I am here to tell you finances can be a delicate topic, but it doesn’t have to be shameful. Financial independence is not one size fits all. You should not be ashamed of your path to achieving financial independence because it looks different than someone else’s.
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It’s not entirely your fault.
Black Women’s Equal Pay Day is September 21. That means Black women will work over 200 additional days before they catch up to the 2021 earnings of white, non-Hispanic male colleagues. Unfair wages result in a loss of almost $1,000,000 over a 40-year class and reduce opportunities for Black women to save, invest, pay off debt, and rapidly increase their quality of life. This statistic impacts millions of Black women worldwide and reveals that you are not alone in where you are financially, and it is not entirely your fault. Your current path is not always a result of your decisions but also due to circumstances that may be out of your control.
You are not alone.
Social media is a highlight reel of all the significant achievements about money, such as paying off thousands of dollars of debt quickly, purchasing a home, starting a business, or negotiating a six-figure salary. While those achievements are meant to be celebrated, that is not the experience of most. Some people use small actionable steps to move forward on their path to financial independence. While those may not be as exciting, they are equally transformative. Realizing that you are not alone in your journey can be a powerful experience that leads to actionable change.
Shame doesn’t help.
According to a recent survey commissioned by National Debt Relief, more than 70 percent of people dealing with financial hardship feel it has permanently affected their mental health. You are human, and feeling shameful about your finances is normal but should be temporary. Shame leads to avoidance, and when we avoid our financial problems, that doesn’t make them go away; it only magnifies the problem and makes it worse. Replace avoidance with acceptance, embrace where you are financially, and fight for where you want to be.
It’s okay if you need to bring in professional help.
Not knowing what to do with your money can cause shame and increase anxiety around making decisions that could improve your circumstances. Some financial obstacles we run into can not be addressed with general advice, and you may need to call in reinforcements. Remember, we are not born knowing what to do with money, but there are people highly trained in money management who can assist you when things seem beyond your control.
Your current financial state will not last forever.
Finances are forever changing, and if you currently feel you are in a downward spiral, know that that will not always be the case. Most of what people deal with when it comes to finances is psychological, and when we accept that one day things will change for the better, it makes your current path seem less stressful.
Financial shame can lead to unproductive financial practices and tends to focus on how you see yourself as a result of your financial choices. Shame does not have to become your identity. During this journey, you’ve convinced yourself that you are bad with money because you’ve made questionable financial decisions. You can reframe that outlook and see your mistakes as a stepping stone to growing and learning. If you’ve made financial mistakes in the past, nothing is wrong with you, and you don’t have to be ashamed about that, because everyone makes mistakes. No matter where you are starting, there is always an opportunity for improvement.
Dasha Kennedy is a financial activist, a speaker, an educator, and the founder of The Broke Black Girl, where she helps bridge the gap between equity and financial education. Learn more about The Broke Black Girl’s resources and work here, and follow Kennedy at @thebrokeblackgirl.
