We’re all for doing the work, showing up and sitting in that chair (or lying on that well-worn Mies van der Rohe couch) and digging into our psyches to unearth our emotionally healthiest selves. But sometimes a single statement or question pierces right through your onion layers and serves as a touchstone for the rest of your life. So just in time for every shrink in America to go on vacation, we asked Oprah Daily Insiders and editors for their go-to mental health mantras. Pick a few greatest hits, and let the healing begin.
1. When you don’t know what to do, do nothing
“This has helped me from saying or doing the wrong thing in difficult or emergency circumstances. Simply waiting a beat until I’ve had enough time to think and process a situation allows me to make better choices.” —Tiffany Martinbrough, 48, New Rochelle, New York
2. You get to choose the type of relationship you have with ____ (fill in the blank)
“My parents divorced when I was about 18. When I was in my early 20s, I found out why. My father is gay. This was nearly 40 years ago, and I didn’t know how to react to my dad and his new partner. I knew I wasn’t comfortable with my siblings’ reactions, but I [still] loved them. And I realized that I loved my dad and I was happy for him. We’re close to this day. It seems like simple advice, but it was a powerful realization for me at the time.” —Kathryn R., 59, Burlingame, California
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3. Get outside and walk
“I was a depressed teen, and my therapist told me I had to walk to and from her office from my house, which was 15 to 20 minutes away on foot. On the way there, it allowed me to focus on what I wanted to talk about in the session. On the way back, it helped me process and release what had happened in the session. It was just good for my overall mental health, and I am still exercising for my mental health.” —Victoria Vertel, 53, Bethlehem, Pennsylvania
4. And what was the crime?
“I do a fair amount of Monday-morning quarterbacking, telling myself, I should’ve done this, not that, and then beating myself up. And my therapist would say this in her lovely English accent, and I’d realize there really was no catastrophe.” —Pilar Guzmán, 53, Oprah Daily editorial director
5. Just do it tired
“I was in group therapy, and the therapist gave someone else this advice. But it resonated with me because you can come up with a million excuses for not investing in yourself because of where you are. ‘I’m too tired’ is a common one, an easy one. And sometimes you really are exhausted and need to rest. But most of the time, you’re not that wiped out. So just go do whatever it is. Be out there. Be a part of things and see what that brings.” —Sue Killeen, 61, New York City
6. Don’t get on the roller coaster, but always be waiting for them on the platform
“Advice for raising four daughters, including a set of twins. Of course, I did get caught up in their drama sometimes, but remembering this often helped me take a step back from it.” —Kathy Izard, 60, Charlotte, North Carolina
7. Okay, but at what cost to you?
“This is what my longtime therapist, Ruth, asks when I tell her I’ve taken on too much or I’m tolerating something difficult because it’s easier than confronting someone or admitting that I’m diminishing myself. It instantly re-centers me (I picture myself as that dot in Google Maps) and reminds me that my emotions and energy are worth protecting.” —Jennie Tung, 52, Oprah Daily senior director, wellness
8. Not my circus, not my monkeys
“My life coach gave me this advice. I was learning to say no to people, but some didn’t accept it! They would give me a whole backstory and reasons I should change my answer to yes. This quote reminds me that I can’t change anyone’s reaction to my responses to things, but I can stick to my responses.” —Karon Greene, 47, Bayonne, New Jersey
9. With a good book, you’ll never be lonely
“This advice from my therapist after I got divorced resulted in my starting a book-related media company.” —Zibby Owens, 46, New York City
10. Aren’t you curious about what is around the corner for you?
“I had just experienced a serious traumatic event and was contemplating suicide. I still turn to this thought in dark times.” —Katherine Korte, 57, Las Vegas
11. You can hold two things at once
“I tend to think about things in categoricals—a career hazard, if you will. We are on time, or we’re late. We are on budget, or we’re not. It’s great for deadlines but bad for feelings. Over the past few years, I’ve had to figure out how to live alongside immense grief, and I remember telling my therapist how guilty I felt about being excited for an upcoming event. ‘You can hold two things at once,’ she said, and it sounds so simple, but it gave me a way to wrap my brain around feeling two diametrically opposed emotions. I can be sad about what isn’t while being excited for what is. It’s useful all the time. Two things can be true, and we can acknowledge both of them.” —Paulie Dibner, 36, Oprah Daily executive editor
12. Don’t compare your insides to other people’s outsides
“I use this constantly and repeat it to my children. It’s especially useful when I’m with someone who is incredibly intimidating and I’m feeling like a complete loser.” —Lisa Cohen, 64, New York City
13. No one else is going to fight your fight
“My husband had left me. Immediately, I started seeing myself only as a victim. All I felt was self-pity about how badly I’d been betrayed; all I did in therapy was whine and complain. After about six months, my therapist said this to me, and a light bulb went off in my head. If I didn’t stand up for myself, I would be immobilized forever. I would be stuck not being able to trust anyone. Most importantly, I wouldn’t be able to make a new life for myself.” —Mary Sadowski, 63, Bozeman, Montana
14. Always follow the advice flight attendants give: Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others around you
“My brother-in-law is a therapist, and he says this is among the most common advice he gives. I can overextend myself trying to help other people and wind up neglecting to take care of myself and my stuff, which can make me useless all the way around. This helps me keep first things first.” —Jonna AuCoin, 52, Reno, Nevada
15. We all have something from our childhood that we had zero control over
“You couldn’t control anyone’s behavior—what they said or how they acted. What you do have control over as an adult is how you allow it to affect the rest of your life, how you act and react to things. This changed my whole way of thinking and allowed me to be in control of my life!” —Brenda Smith, 59, Nassau, The Bahamas
