Every week, Oprah is setting an intention exclusively for Oprah Daily Insiders, with reflections on topics like letting go, forgiveness, coming into your own, and more.

preview for Oprah on Finding Your Self-Love Language

Hey, Oprah Insiders.

Oprah: I’m here with Thando, my daughter-girl. I often speak on this site—and have throughout my life—about taking care of yourself and how to love yourself better. We all are familiar with love languages, right? What’s your love language?

Thando: Words of affirmation.

Oprah: So is mine.

Thando: I know it.

Oprah: I’m words of affirmation. But what is your self-love language? Do you know what that is?

Thando: No.

Oprah: Well, this is why we’re going to take this quiz right now that’s on Oprah Daily. You can all take it. First question is: Which one of these activities fills your cup most? A long walk with a friend, taking a mental health day, repeating self-affirmations, turning my phone off for an evening, a leisurely book-nap combo, planning my next vacation. What’s it for you?

Thando: I’m torn between turning my phone off and a leisurely book-nap combo.

Oprah: I’m definitely a leisurely book-nap combo.

Thando: Yes, you are.

Oprah: There's no question.

Thando: Okay. I’ll do book-nap combo.

Oprah: I would’ve thought planning your vacation would've been you, since you love vacationing.

Thando: I love it, but it’s not a self-care thing. And planning vacations is stressful.

Oprah: Okay. All right, next.

Thando: What would you tell a friend who’s going through a breakup?

Oprah: “Take someone else to that Beyoncé concert.” “You did your best and you’ll be okay.” “Remind yourself that you are a badass.” “Do not get right back on the apps.” “You deserve some serious self-care.” “Let's manifest your dream relationship.” I would either say you deserve some serious self-care or manifest your dream relationship.

Thando: Take someone else to that Beyoncé concert, sis. He don’t deserve to go to the Beyonce concert with you!

Oprah: Okay. I’m definitely “Manifest your dream relationship.” Next…

Thando: When you feel down, what helps: Connecting with others, time to just wallow in it, friends cheering me up, figuring out what makes me happy and shedding what doesn’t, resting and recharging, having something fun and exciting to look forward to.

Oprah: It’s resting and recharging for me.

Thando: Figuring out what makes me happy and shedding what doesn’t.

Oprah: Okay. That’s you. Now, your partner made a major mistake at work. What do you do? Take them to their favorite restaurant for dinner and a download. That’s not me. Share an incident where I screwed up? No. Remind them of all the things they do well?

Thando: Yeah. Words of affirmation.

Oprah: Tell them life is more than just work. Run them a bath with fancy salts. No. Help them look at the big picture.

Thando: Big picture for me.

Oprah: That would be me. Okay, what do you consider an act of love? Throwing a friend’s birthday party?

Thando: No, I don’t like planning. It’s stressful.

Oprah: Okay. Well I did do that, and it was an act of love, so.

Thando: You do it really well.

Oprah: Accepting someone warts and all, do that well, too. Being my partner’s biggest cheerleader.

Thando: I’m really good at that.

Oprah: Protecting our quality time together. Letting someone just be. Planning a surprise getaway.

Thando: I think I’m going, being my partner’s biggest cheerleader.

Oprah: Okay, good. That’s you. I’m letting someone just be.

Thando: You’re definitely letting someone just be.

Oprah: Rest is my self-love language. What is yours?

Thando: Mine is boundaries. Wow! That’s actually pretty accurate!

Oprah: That’s pretty good. And rest is definitely mine.

Thando: Rest is yours!

Oprah: Oh, I major in it. I major in it. So I want to know, what is your self-love language? Let us know in the comments below. Take the test as Thando and I just did and let us know because it’s how you offer self-love to yourself. Me, I’m a major in resting, and you are a major in set setting boundaries for yourself. You’re really good at that.

Thando: That’s so true. This is very accurate because I am the boundary queen.

Oprah: You are. Yes, and unafraid with love.

Thando: Don’t touch my boundaries.

Oprah: Don’t touch her boundaries. All right. We want to know what you are. Let us know in the comments, and go well this week.